If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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