he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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