accomplished twins. life is a go
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
