He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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