can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
