if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
