I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
