I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
