i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
