No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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