Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
