After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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