god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
