have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
