Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize