i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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