everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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