then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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