He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
