Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
