If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
