lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
