I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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