you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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