Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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