put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
