just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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