Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
