Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
