someone threw a dead crab at me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize