It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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