thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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