I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
smell my finger.
His hands were made for my vagina.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
