i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
