trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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