At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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