forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Randomize
