mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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