Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.