ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.