I cannot find my penis.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
