Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
