i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
