The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
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Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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