Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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