He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
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Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
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That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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