Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
