i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
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Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
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Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.