After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
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Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
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We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend