Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.