So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.