I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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