I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
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Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
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What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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