I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
