I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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