i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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