awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think my moral compass just broke
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
