how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
