his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
