You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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