I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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