Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
