who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
