so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
