My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This is the high leading the old right now
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
