just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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