I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
