K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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