how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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