I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
